Dear J-malice:
1. I don't think it would be in either of our best interests for me to review your song. The best advice I can give you is that if the first 15 seconds of a song don't grasp a person in radio or a record company, your song will not fare well in test groups. A lot of people forget that the chorus is usually the strongest part of a song, and those should go first in radio edits (and the first verse thereafter), because choruses grasp a listener's attention more quickly than the first verse. Think of recent rap song structures, like on 50 Cent's album, many begin with a chorus for this reason. At least the ones solicited for promotion to radio.
Also, make sure you have the whole song complete, even with third verse, before any solicitation. Somebody might think you're not "serious" because you can't finish a song, but you're soliciting it? Have everything ironed out before anybody worth a pence listens to it. I'm not trying to demean you, just trying to tell you some words of wisdom.
2. "Industry" people are always aware of their position, and what people want from them once their ("industry" people's) covers are blown. Many people want to solicit their or their brother's or sister's or cousin's demo, that it becomes such a burden that "industry" people skirt away from that. So-
A thing I like to say is that in the recording industry, until your CD is in stores, nothing's a sure thing. Many artists get shelved before they release their first CD, even after they got their supposedly "coveted" recording contract. It's not a sure thing until you start receiving a royalty check, or, in your case, are being paid for your beatmaking.
That's why when you approach people (like in radio), at least appear to be genuine and, like you said, become a familiar figure, make acquaintances with them. Don't immediately pull out a beat CD and say "what can you do for me? Can you help me out?" A little more sophistication in your approach would help. Be cool with them, people can judge when someone is fake or not, or wants something. You could be taken for a ride from the people you think may help you.
What if you came to a person like a music director, or an AR man, and before he even listened to your CD, he said:
"Buy me lunch and we'll talk about this?"
That's a simple thing people do. Try to have realistic expectations about what a person can and can't do for you. And as you try to "infiltrate" a radio station to learn who's who, don't let the proverbial cat out of the bag. Remember, when you want somebody listening to your song or CD, you want them to be on good terms with you and in a situation that is very advantageous for your that
you've set up for yourself.
Remember the higher position a person has at a station or at a record company, the more sophisticated they are in the ways of saying shite. Don't believe what you hear, and remember "backstabbing" is an industry standard! It's always a beneficial thing for somebody, but is it for you.
(personally, i thrive on that whole game, it's like playing a good game of chess!)
Sincerely,
God