Ok here we go please don't take this as harsh at all, it takes a LOT of work and knowledge to get in to this genre. Also I want to encourage you to dive in man you should go for it and learn. Han's Zimmer has been doing this for 40+ years and still considers himself a student. Here is what I hear
#1 the sounds in general are week all around. Nothing sounds real AT ALL. That intro cello has zero dynamics in its playing. Orchestral instruments in general are all about constant subtle variations, so each instrument should have that.
#2 The choir is really not good sounds like a keyboard from the 90's
#3 The drums are not orchestral in anyway, it shows very much that you are coming from a hiphop background
#4 The mix is pretty rough, nothing sounds huge. The percussion is all over the place. When I write for orchestra I keep the inclosed picture open at all times to make sure I cover everything.
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#5 there are these sudden builds without good transitions. Im not sure WHY things are changing. You need to give me clues along the way. Kind of like foreshadowing.
#6 The sounds in general don't go together. Typically you would create a sound pallete before you start a song like this and it feels random. Those templates can be thousands of tracks. See this video on how to build a template
#7 there is a thing in music called a motif a motif "is a short
musical phrase, a salient recurring figure,
musical fragment or succession of notes that has some special importance in or is characteristic of a composition:" Like a central melodic element that a listener can go back to. I like to call them anchors, it gives the listener familiarity with the piece. The only "theme" I can here is the one you use throughout which to my ears is c - g# - g. thats not quite enough for a motif so the listener gets lost.
Again, this may sound like a lot but its the kind of stuff you need to be thinking about. This field is WICKED competitive. So you need to be on top of your game at all times. I am not trying to be discouraging, rather the opposite!
The easiest way I know of to get better sounds is to get composer cloud
http://www.soundsonline.com/composercloud for $20-30 a month. Its a great deal and will up your tone game a lot.
And I want to say this about myself I have a master degree from Berklee college of music, studied and wrote music for years. Had a career in studio design. Still tour in a live band. Take upright bass lessons from a teacher who plays in the Lincoln Symphony Orchestra and has played with Ben Folds, Weird Al just to name a few. I took the Hans Zimmer classes and take composing lessons from my friend who was a PHD in it and teaches it at the college level AND I AM STILL A COMPLETE NOVICE. This stuff is really really deep. Its wonderful and amazing and will open your eyes to how music really works. But it is a lifetime of study. Im trilled to see you going down this road and I know you can do it! If I can help on your journey in anyway I am happy to man!
Quick Edit
https://vi-control.net/portal/ its a fantastic community for this topic.