O.J was sentenced to Life in Michael Jacksons bed at his Neberland Ranch. The judge also indicated that part of this sentence involves shaving off all of his body hair, wearing "tighty whities", and blowing Bubbles daily.
It is unknown wether or not the judge would listen to an appeal for alternate sentencing. The defense is calling the sentence inhumane, and is heavily campaigning for a more merciful punishment, the electric chair.
In a bizarre twist, the defense is stymied by the jurys decision. Given the nature of the case- white, middle class judge and prosecution, a white officer suspected of being a racist, and a jury literally made up of all African-American, the guilty on all counts verdict came as a shock. The defense couldnt come up with an explanation for it, however the prosecution offered a bit of perspective-and the sinister truth behind their plan of attack in this retrial. As veteran County District Attorney Todd Baldwin The Third noted,
"While it is true that the jury was all African Americans, and that we, the prosecution did indeed have a hand in their selection, it should be noted that they are all African American WOMEN in that jury. We initially prepared for Johnny Cochran and his famous Chewbacca Defense, which chewed us up the first time out. Unfortunately for Mr Simpson, Mr. Cohcran passed and Mr. Simpson simply can no longer afford an attorney of his stature, and was thus assigned a young white attorney fresh out of law school. This gave our plan much more fire power then anticipated. We carefully selected attractive, intelligent, single and never married African American women in their late twenties for our jury, knowing full well that even if there wasnt enough evidence to convict Mr Simpson of the crimes he was being charged with, in no way could these women let him walk free for marrying that white girl in the first place. Obviously, our plan worked beyond even our greatest expectations, and we are more then pleased."
Mr Simpson was expected to commence sentencing immediately. in a related story, his attorney was found dead in a white bronco several hours ofter trial ended. mysteriously, there was a small, bloody glove at the scene of the crime, and what appeared to be the hair of a large, hairy monster. Detectives have no other leads, though they are curious about the hair. In an unrelated report, there was a sighting of a bigfoot roaming the area with a chain of bullets hanging over his chest.