Jean Grae: Airs It Out (Important To Read)

[WingsOfAnAngel]

Jean Grae: Airs It Out
By Jean Grae

[Editor’s note: This piece contains language of a frank, honest nature. For mature individuals only.]

I’m most probably going to get a phone call both from my label and publicist about writing this, but honestly, I’m just tired of mincing my words and being nice about shit. I haven’t really written a lot on allhiphop in a second, mostly because I’m too damn frustrated with everything to write as a hobby. I’m angry, I’m tired and close to spazing out about a lot of shit.

I hate this industry. I hate the music business because it has shit to do with music. I grew up in a family of independent struggling musicians and I’m sick of being a part of that cycle. I’m tired of fighting harder than everyone else to even just get a little bit. I don’t even know why I fucking put my heart into doing this when it’s obvious that so many people who don’t, get what they want out of it. The financial unstability of this is driving me crazy. Why do I have to keep turning out entire albums or releases full of music when some cat can spit on a mixtape once, or give someone a pound and then get on immediately? Why try to do something that’s apparently so fucking different and impossible, that I have to defend it to myself everyday?

I hate myself for dumping my all into this. If I was smarter I wouldn’t have pursued this career. I’m older than most people already established in this business and I’m not thinking of the money coming out of it for balling out purposes. I want to be a mom soon, I want to have some sort of steadiness in my life, but with this job that is close to a damn impossibility right now.

Fuck everyone at all these labels who even know me and won’t even give me a damn chance to step in the door.

‘Oh, I love your shit,’ but they can’t do shit for me. Fuck the boys club mentality that they have and the vision they lack.

Years of rejection make you really second think yourself. Maybe it’s not them, maybe it’s me. Maybe my shit isn’t good enough to compete with all the stuff out there. Then I hate everything, then I read “her delivery is trash”, or “her beats are wack” and that solidifies all of that in my head. As much as I can try to fight it and try to like my own material it becomes a chore to listen to it. It’s a cycle. I get like that, then snap out of it after a pep talk and think, no, I am talented. I have something. Don’t pay attention to all that shit, I’m stronger than that. I’m not a quitter, I’m a fighter.

My fighter outlook is getting really weak. Less and less I really put myself into this shit with a gung ho attitude and now I do it almost because I’m stuck here and I don’t like to start things and not finish them.

I can have press out the ass, it doesn’t seem to matter. No one really outside of the industry or underground heads know who the fuck I am. Doing shows that are difficult to get in the first place and then only having like 20 people there for crap money doesn’t lift your spirits. Promoters won’t even understand that we don’t have the kind of money it takes to get to these damn places unless they’re paying for them. If there are maybe 2 black women in the audience that night it’s a good night for me. I understand that fans are fans and I respect that. But it’s a piece of shit job when you can’t even see yourself reflected in the audience.

I can’t get on any big mixtapes, labels are scared to fuck with something without a great soundscan history and people that have the power to help treat me like the invisible rapper. What am I supposed to do ? I’m tired of writing because everything is coming out angry and I don’t want to be that person. I’m mad that I’m broke, I’m mad that I’m living in the same situation...and you know what XXL??? I’m fucking mad that I can’t make my wedding plans happen again this year. Yeah. You guys put me in your “Negro Please” section a few months ago with the quote “I’m broke and I couldn’t go through with the plans for my wedding I had on Valentine’s day.’

So, what the fuck? That was funny? You know, you forgot to mention the fact that the quote you took came from a Fader magazine article in which the next line I spoke was “my dad has cancer”. Perhaps you should have included that too, since you thought that the beginning was so hilarious. You don’t know shit about me or my life and with the amount of ignorant speakers around you chose to include something that you thought somehow was chuckle worthy. Fuck off.

I’m taking back the nice and putting on the angry face because I’m tired. I’m tired of being overlooked and underpaid.

I’m tired of trying to come up with new fucking ingenious plans of how to let people know that I exist and then scrapping them because we don’t have the money to do shit. It’s a luxury to me to watch people sit in a studio and take time with their shit. It’s a tragedy to see them wasting their time and not realizing how lucky they are to have the opportunity to do that. There’s tons of people I would love to work with, but money doesn’t allow that, so in the interims between albums and shows I gotta come up with all these crazy hustles to keep my name out there and introduce myself to a new audience. Most of them never come to pass because of a lack of money to make them happen. Shows that I don’t want to take I have to, no matter how small the money is because, well, food is something you need. I’m not trying to be whiny about work, trust I’m a workhorse, I’ve never shied away from that. However, I am opposed to working for nothing. For fucking nothing. I’m not retarded, otherwise that would sound like a great idea, but I’m too old for that shit. Everything is a chance, a promise of something that could possibly come to pass and usually doesn’t.

I’m sick and damn tired of explaining who I am to my label. Why we shouldn’t work the same formula that everyone else uses and hearing, ‘it’s about the numbers. It’s all about the numbers.”

Well, I can’t do anything about the numbers cause I’m out of ideas and I don’t want to play the waiting game anymore. I don’t have the time to sit back and think of things because I have to eat.

I’m out of ways to dance around things and pretend like I’m happy and coming up with some great new shit when I do interviews. I don’t have anything to talk about anymore. I’m stuck, I’m pissed, but I guess none of that even matters in the long run, since I’m not even playing in the same league as everyone else.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do now, or why I have to keep explaining to people why I make music and who I’m making it for. I used to rap and make beats because, damn I just did. Doing it for work isn’t a problem, but where’s the work? I don’t think I’m the most incredible person out there, but I want to get better. I understand that when it’s a job a lot of it ceases to be fun, but this is like a 10 year internship with no fucking promotion. I have to sit here and watch people get hired around me and move up to top management positions. I know the people at these labels, they know me, I’ve been here for years and no one ever fucking gives me a chance to even break in. I would respect it even a little if they just told me I wasn’t shit and kicked me out. But just treating me like I’m not even there is some bullshit. What the fuck? Maybe if I was a damn model I would’ve gotten further ahead. But I’m not. I look like me and only me and I’m not going to change anything or start feeling bad about myself because that’s the only way that females can play in this game. That can get to you too you know. I thought it was about the work that I did, but obviously it never was. My dreamer mentality pretty much ended a few years ago, but even reality doesn’t seem to get me anywhere.

I don’t want to keep venting for nothing either, so I’ll probably just keep all of this stuff inside from now on like I usually do.

I know I can’t state any fucking opinion without someone going “aww fuck that bitch shes on her period and she mad cause shes not that nice anyway and plus she ugly.” I read message boards, I know how it goes..that’s pretty much standard, but fuck you too. Thanks allhiphop for always letting me be me.

Fuck the rap game. It’s not about the music or the heart or how hard you play.
Fuck you for not letting me in, cowards.

 

[berserk]

thats a superb article... i fucking love jean grae... read every single word of that... she has spoken the most truth in a long time... i wish i could get in contact with her... that article was real... good find wings...

 

[mercurywaters]

i read this letter on another site. i agree with every word she said. some people were saying why doesn't she start her own label or go independent and stop whining. i think put don't understand that not everyone wants to be in the music business. some people just want to make music and have people hear and appreciate it.

 

[WingsOfAnAngel]

this is the truth, no doubt...

the sad part is that people DO tend to say: "aww fuck that bitch shes on her period and she mad cause shes not that nice anyway and plus she ugly". when will people understand that it's about music, and most definitely not about looks \ gender. i do not want to know what all those female pop stars have done in order to progress forward in the biz. i can only guess that they have spent some time practicing their sexual abilities. and that's SAD AND WRONG.
females are ought to get the same chance, without humiliating themselves. we are all human beings, and people who take advantage of others are SCUM OF THE EARTH.

 

[Copenhagen]

I hate this as much as she does, but as long as she's not willing to compromise and keeps choosing the productions she does, then she's going to have a hard time trying to make it. As God has already pointed out, labels look for certain things and you gotta be very lucky to get a good deal if you don't fit their main "theme". On top of that, she's a female in a male industry, that only makes it harder.
She's talented and she's not bad looking either, but if she's not willing to compromise, then her chances are very slim. That's not only the way of the music industry but the way of the world. Only a few people go through their live without having to compromise and then succeed.

 

[Shonsteez]

so did she write this before or after she got signed to Rocafella???

 

[mono]

thats realy sad. espacially if you doin such good music as she does. i guess IF she would find a way to the tv stations, there would be a million girls worldwide, feeling her stuff. it sounds good, its real.... but a&r's and directors dont even give it a try. i hate this fuckin plasticworld.
well, you cant rely on the music industry, always gotta have something else running besides.

 

[Shonsteez]

Unfortunately very true.

 

[Cold Truth]

man i say we send the woman an "i feel you" email..... "we got love for ya jean"

 

[Copenhagen]

Originally posted by DueceMade Ent.
so did she write this before or after she got signed to Rocafella???

Signed to Rocafella? A joke? Or have I missed out on something?

 

[SupaStar]

Its a sad reality kids, but I cant feel for Jean for her story is not new, It is the same one thats been repeated countless number of times, why cant I make it big boo hoo. Music industry is a business that is all it is - and it is a strict reality that if ya dont know somebody who knows somebody, ya aint getting in and its final.
So just do what you do well and if its meant to be, it is meant to be -

 

[Shonsteez]

Yeah, i read on hiphopsitecom that she signed to tha roc along with someone else like blackmoon...

 

[Copenhagen]

Deuce, haven't heard anything about that. Checked their news section too and artists section...nothing. Perhaps it's not final or it's just a rumour or they're just not very good at updating their site.

 

[Chedda]

shit that's deep, gotta feel for her, but most underground cats are in exactly the same position, what can you do eh.

 

[Shonsteez]

Hmmm?? Well, I read it there a while ago.

 

[bigdmakintrax]

Well my spin on that article is like they say.....don't preach to the choir....I hear artists with a sad story like this.....main thing is you either deal with that reality or get the fuggg out of the game because there's a lot of players trying to win.....but I can understand from an artists standpoint if their entire life revolves 1. around getting signed to some fuggin major 2. you buy into the videos on BET and MTV and think that hell imma rapper I can be rich just like that..... I mean where is her frustration really coming from...?????? NOT GETTING SIGNED.....she hasn't figured it out yet if you ask me.....the realistic money is in an independent label and push your shidd out of the trunk, I got more respect for those cats than people bitching about the industry that, the shows this and that......NO PITY

 

[Cold Truth]

actually, the more i think about it, the guys up at okayplaer talk a lot...... the roots camp is always big-upping her but i have yet to hear a collab, and they got okayplayer records coming up... jean knows a grip of underground heads that are doin it, i think there is a missing element to the story.

good perspective BigD......

 

[mercurywaters]

yeah good perspective big d, but what about those (like me) who don't want to start a label just to get music out there. i like making music, not running a record company. i have to do alot of sh!t i don't want to do and don't like to do, just to get my music out there. reality sucks most of the time. i respect her 'whining' to the utmost

 

[bigdmakintrax]

Yeah but see if you doing this shidd for the love right....there should be no complaints.....its almost like a job you know you need to quit because you hate to come in.......I think that artist such as yourself always need structure and planning on how to use your product to get dividends even if you are doing it for the love and don't want to run a label......I bet you got some CD's pressed up for the block right?.......I think you either do this for the love and maybe take the change in your pocket as it comes and don't give a fugg about blowing......or you got bigger dreamscapes in the game........I'm not knocking getting signed but what she is bitching about is not unique and 9 out of 10 mc's could complain on that level...that's all if that's the case I respect a good vent session every now and then......but I think if you got talent you need to pave a way to become profitable and successful outside of depending on someone else to look at their watch and tell you when it's time.....

 

[SupaStar]

/\
well said big d, well said I mentioned the same things earlier but no one took notice......
why waste time trying to get a door open when you can get ya tools together and a build a whole new one for yourself, and open that sucka whenever you please.