Cold Truth
IllMuzik Moderator
1. After proposing for the 17th time, Jay-Z is dumped at last by Beyonce for her "Girl, That's a Weave" co-star, Usher. The 45 year-old Jay-Z subsequently releases his latest album, "I'm Retiring For Real Now...Y'all gonna Miss Me. Watch. I'm the Best. Y'all Know it. Love me. PLEASE!" The album does 1.5 mil and Jay-Z starts dating Raven Symone to keep himself in the public eye. Later, he records a mashup EP with up-and-coming young punk band Generic Skaterband from Cali. He's fired as Prez of Def-Jam for spending $11 mil on promotion for Bleek's last album "Please, please, please, please, y'all...Buy this."
2. Cam dies of AIDS. Jim Jones' beard sings "Amazing Grace" at his funeral.
3. 50 releases his latest "comeback" album, "Look, Y'all, I Got Shot Again," created with beats he found in the garbage bins outside Dr. Dre's home. The album tanks and 50 begs Ja Rule to shoot him...again.
4. Ja Rule yet again declines to shoot 50 Cent. He makes another easy $1 mil in a shytty Steven Segal movie and another easy $1 mil as the snitch for Josh Hartnett and Nick Cannon in the buddy comedy "Black cop, White cop"
5. Nas releases his 3rd independent album, "HAHAHAHAHA, I Can Write Whatever I Want, Sell 300K, Be Paid and Ignore People!" The album sells 350k with no promotion and without a single interview, video, concert or single from Nas. No one knows how to contact him.
6. Ashanti wins NAACP Image Award for Best Actress for her role in "The Underrated Princess," despite a massive internet-based protest. Ashanti stuns the audience with her vitriolic acceptance speech, stating "If you bytches would stop-hating so fukkin much, maybe I'd go away. You stupid ass dirty bytches. Thank you, NAACP, for this honor."
7. Eminem's latest "Whatever, White Kids Gonna Buy It Anyway...NIGGER NIGGER...See?" sells 8 million copies in 3 months. It's lead single, "I'm White, Gimme That Grammy" wins the Grammy for Best Rap Song.
8. Wu-Tang breaks up. No one cares.
9. Andre 3000 is nominated for an Academy Award for learning 3 chords, lip-syncing, doing drugs and dying in "Jimi."
10. Fat Joe, Jada and Game start a trust fund for 50's kids, because they feel sorry for him.
2. Cam dies of AIDS. Jim Jones' beard sings "Amazing Grace" at his funeral.
3. 50 releases his latest "comeback" album, "Look, Y'all, I Got Shot Again," created with beats he found in the garbage bins outside Dr. Dre's home. The album tanks and 50 begs Ja Rule to shoot him...again.
4. Ja Rule yet again declines to shoot 50 Cent. He makes another easy $1 mil in a shytty Steven Segal movie and another easy $1 mil as the snitch for Josh Hartnett and Nick Cannon in the buddy comedy "Black cop, White cop"
5. Nas releases his 3rd independent album, "HAHAHAHAHA, I Can Write Whatever I Want, Sell 300K, Be Paid and Ignore People!" The album sells 350k with no promotion and without a single interview, video, concert or single from Nas. No one knows how to contact him.
6. Ashanti wins NAACP Image Award for Best Actress for her role in "The Underrated Princess," despite a massive internet-based protest. Ashanti stuns the audience with her vitriolic acceptance speech, stating "If you bytches would stop-hating so fukkin much, maybe I'd go away. You stupid ass dirty bytches. Thank you, NAACP, for this honor."
7. Eminem's latest "Whatever, White Kids Gonna Buy It Anyway...NIGGER NIGGER...See?" sells 8 million copies in 3 months. It's lead single, "I'm White, Gimme That Grammy" wins the Grammy for Best Rap Song.
8. Wu-Tang breaks up. No one cares.
9. Andre 3000 is nominated for an Academy Award for learning 3 chords, lip-syncing, doing drugs and dying in "Jimi."
10. Fat Joe, Jada and Game start a trust fund for 50's kids, because they feel sorry for him.
