Damn im just really depressed these days

[Cold Truth]

dont even know where to begin. its not even that my life is bad, because what its like today compared to what it once was isnt even close.

but for some reason i've jsut been very depressed...

lots of issues with my girl, i wont even get into it because there are so many variables to the story and i would have to explain everything from the start to give ya'll the full picture... but its just not a good time and it feels like things are falling apart.

i've been goin out and tryin to get the music out and all and i havent gotten any calls, which is to be expected i suppose and besides its still early but none the less its bothering me. the agent that i was going to use is a flake and so *fuck 'em* i guess. i left the common party just feelin like i got a lot of work to do and i got to step my beat game up cause while i feel like i have a solid project in progress, the mc's didnt really come through. i picked the ones that i felt best fit what i was trying to do with the project and thus far the only cat that got back to me, i wasnt feelin the results and as it was he sounds different then i thought he was for some reason, and its a good dude and i dont want to hurt his feelings but im going to have to tell him...

so really i have to get more of these beats down and up my game but right now i just cant do it, i'm blocked/ i got that block and its always vicious on me mentally, i mean i know it sounds unhealthy or whatever but this is the thing that i latched on to, the thing that helped me push through life when it wasnt worth going on and i am at a point where i am beginning to get it out to the real world and so my artists aint showing up, so many cats done flaked on me (merc is writin to a few beats right now, i am so grateful for that) and i got to writin myself but i am just not ready or confidant enough for mc duties right now..... so im stuck. i got two dudes that are MAD nice.... down with strange fruit and cats like that, i vibe real cool with them and they are local but they are very busy touring with their own right now so work with them could be a while.

the house i live in, its just me and the lady i live with now, her son moved out and she doesnt get her disability anymore and her social security doesnt kick in until november... so that leaves me as the only one payin bills.... at a time when i am *supposed* to be payin off debts and saving money for my girls ring and moving after the year is up but it doesnt look like its happening that way at all.

the car gettin broke into didnt help, either.

im not complaining here, trust i have been in bad enough spots to know that this is NOTHING... ive been through worse things and worse depressions... but its just a depressing time right now and tonight for some reason has been one of the worst in recent memory so i figured i'd drop Illmuzik a line and get this off my chest.
thanks for listening (er..reading?)

 

[Big Tone]

let it out brotha.. we here for ya

 

[J Rilla]

Keep ya head up pimpin.....u believe in God and u know he aint gonna give u nuthin u cant handle.....so just keep pushin

 

[afriquedeluxe]

damn man, all i can say aswell is keep ya head up man. as for that writers block, try something new with beats, forget the restrictions you usually have and try not conforming to your usual ways of beat making if you get what i mean.

things will get better man, just stay positive. the more you start thinking about all the bad things thats going on the more worse you going to feel. instead of thinking how crap things have been, think about how great things are going to be and how you are going to ensure that. trust me youll be feeling better in no time if you can do that. concentrate on the positive and how you will achieve it; not looking at the negative and feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[Lex]

I think getting that off your chest was good....you could try calling some of those emcees if you have their number, and just tell them to get of their arses.

Just keep your head up, think of what you've already achieved...I'm not saying you shouldn't try and work on improving your beats, but maybe the people you gave them to weren't the right people for the beats, if you know what I mean. You might get more enthuasiastic responses from other emcees/managers/whatever.

 

[StressWon]

dont even know where to begin. its not even that my life is bad, because what its like today compared to what it once was isnt even close.

but for some reason i've jsut been very depressed...

lots of issues with my girl, i wont even get into it because there are so many variables to the story and i would have to explain everything from the start to give ya'll the full picture... but its just not a good time and it feels like things are falling apart.

i've been goin out and tryin to get the music out and all and i havent gotten any calls, which is to be expected i suppose and besides its still early but none the less its bothering me. the agent that i was going to use is a flake and so *fuck 'em* i guess. i left the common party just feelin like i got a lot of work to do and i got to step my beat game up cause while i feel like i have a solid project in progress, the mc's didnt really come through. i picked the ones that i felt best fit what i was trying to do with the project and thus far the only cat that got back to me, i wasnt feelin the results and as it was he sounds different then i thought he was for some reason, and its a good dude and i dont want to hurt his feelings but im going to have to tell him...

so really i have to get more of these beats down and up my game but right now i just cant do it, i'm blocked/ i got that block and its always vicious on me mentally, i mean i know it sounds unhealthy or whatever but this is the thing that i latched on to, the thing that helped me push through life when it wasnt worth going on and i am at a point where i am beginning to get it out to the real world and so my artists aint showing up, so many cats done flaked on me (merc is writin to a few beats right now, i am so grateful for that) and i got to writin myself but i am just not ready or confidant enough for mc duties right now..... so im stuck. i got two dudes that are MAD nice.... down with strange fruit and cats like that, i vibe real cool with them and they are local but they are very busy touring with their own right now so work with them could be a while.

the house i live in, its just me and the lady i live with now, her son moved out and she doesnt get her disability anymore and her social security doesnt kick in until november... so that leaves me as the only one payin bills.... at a time when i am *supposed* to be payin off debts and saving money for my girls ring and moving after the year is up but it doesnt look like its happening that way at all.

the car gettin broke into didnt help, either.

im not complaining here, trust i have been in bad enough spots to know that this is NOTHING... ive been through worse things and worse depressions... but its just a depressing time right now and tonight for some reason has been one of the worst in recent memory so i figured i'd drop Illmuzik a line and get this off my chest.
thanks for listening (er..reading?)

i think we all have that point in life where we go through time or times where there's no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I've been thru them and will continue. Truth, I don't know or remember how old you are but I'll let my age and experiences speak here:
Bro, life sucks. It really does. "They" say you can do anything in life that you want to do,,,that's bullshit, tho on the other hand, you can't give up either. You are a talented cat and nothin happens over night. Don't let life let you down. I used to , then I was on anti deppresents, almost divorced my wife who is the coolest woman a dude could ask for! We all have issues, some worse then others and I know you had a ruff life from readin ya posts,,,but I've also learned from ya posts that you're the kind of cat that has been through it all and still can maintain. Your styrong and thats what this world needs, more strong brothas like yaself. Don't worry son, it all comes together eventually, maybe not how we wanted or expect,,,but it eventually does. It did for me,,,I was a big fuck up for a hot minute,,lol,,but I had to straighten out. Not sayin you need to but I'm tryin to give ya an example. Keep ya head up,,,way up. Keep positive because if ya stay negative, then negative things will happen. They happen anyway in life, its just how you take it. I'm here for ya bro,,,,its corny and all but we are a "Fam" here even though I never met any of you stank muth fuckers!!!!! (Except Clev anf Furiouz,,,,they are bad influences,,,they force me to smoke weed!@)

 

[Equality 7-2521]

yo truth sounds like you at one of those down points (in the ups and downs of life) and are getting a bit impatient...wanting your goals to manifest themselves now. this is normal bro. i get it all the time. well, not the depression part but the impatience part. i feel you there. clearly though you have been workin hard and doing your best so the only advice i can give is to stick at it. you time will come.

another thing.....and i dont want to soudn like im preaching....cos you probs know all this already but.....problems dont go away. as soon as you fix one problem, another will come along. and this continues till the day you die. the solution i have come to is to learn to enjoy the tough times. easier said than done but just concider that some of your greatest memories are defeating problems and securing hapiness for yourself. do your best to enjoy the problem solving process if you can. be happy in you inner world even if your outer world isnt exactly as you wish it to be. that green smiley face you put next to this thread: mean it for real.

anyway i dunno why im writting all this.

this phase is only some temporary shit for you man. you knwo what im saying? your gonna be fine. head up. soldier on.

 

[Cleverwon]

It'll all pass over Cold. Remember, shit happens for a reason. Stay strong bro.

 

[Ash Holmz]

stay stong.. and believe in yourself man.. nuttin comes easy and sometimes you gotta hit bottom before ya bounce back up... keep grindin and doing what u belive in

 

[Eurydice]

cheer up Daddy.....
I feel u ...


Everything has its place:

Everything has its place
I often find myself feeling lonely
Thinking I must be the only
Person who hates living in such a place
And no matter how much you fit in
It's still not your place
And I'm sitting here with a stupid look on my face
And all my dreams I must chase
And all the problems I must face
And no one asks my opinion
But isn't this my life I'm living
Even if I make the wrong choice
Don't I have the right to voice?
Can I grow?
Can I achieve?
My own life and do as I believe
I know I might make mistakes
But doesn't that just help on tomorrow's problems I must face



But still everyone's still on my case
And the mirror I still don't recognize my own face
Is it that really I am a disgrace?

All my life I find myself falling behind the line
Someone in front succeeds, someone in back achieves
And me
Well I just keep losing my place

 

[Lex]

^^Quite the poet.

 

[Cold Truth]

ahh im just lovin eury these days... lol

i know as well as anyone that thsi is just part of life. normally these things just slide of my back with no problem.... but its just whoopn me up right now for whatever reason... so im just venting, i mean on the real i dont have too many friends in the "real" world these days- not that i talk to regularly anyways. between work, my girl, and music... and everyone else moving on to new phases (i.e, marriage, kids, moving, changing) and whatnot... its really just me and considering that my girl and i havent really spoken much these last few weeks... its been though to go it alone.

 

[Equelizer]

dont even know where to begin. its not even that my life is bad, because what its like today compared to what it once was isnt even close.

but for some reason i've jsut been very depressed...

lots of issues with my girl, i wont even get into it because there are so many variables to the story and i would have to explain everything from the start to give ya'll the full picture... but its just not a good time and it feels like things are falling apart.

i've been goin out and tryin to get the music out and all and i havent gotten any calls, which is to be expected i suppose and besides its still early but none the less its bothering me. the agent that i was going to use is a flake and so *fuck 'em* i guess. i left the common party just feelin like i got a lot of work to do and i got to step my beat game up cause while i feel like i have a solid project in progress, the mc's didnt really come through. i picked the ones that i felt best fit what i was trying to do with the project and thus far the only cat that got back to me, i wasnt feelin the results and as it was he sounds different then i thought he was for some reason, and its a good dude and i dont want to hurt his feelings but im going to have to tell him...

so really i have to get more of these beats down and up my game but right now i just cant do it, i'm blocked/ i got that block and its always vicious on me mentally, i mean i know it sounds unhealthy or whatever but this is the thing that i latched on to, the thing that helped me push through life when it wasnt worth going on and i am at a point where i am beginning to get it out to the real world and so my artists aint showing up, so many cats done flaked on me (merc is writin to a few beats right now, i am so grateful for that) and i got to writin myself but i am just not ready or confidant enough for mc duties right now..... so im stuck. i got two dudes that are MAD nice.... down with strange fruit and cats like that, i vibe real cool with them and they are local but they are very busy touring with their own right now so work with them could be a while.

the house i live in, its just me and the lady i live with now, her son moved out and she doesnt get her disability anymore and her social security doesnt kick in until november... so that leaves me as the only one payin bills.... at a time when i am *supposed* to be payin off debts and saving money for my girls ring and moving after the year is up but it doesnt look like its happening that way at all.

the car gettin broke into didnt help, either.

im not complaining here, trust i have been in bad enough spots to know that this is NOTHING... ive been through worse things and worse depressions... but its just a depressing time right now and tonight for some reason has been one of the worst in recent memory so i figured i'd drop Illmuzik a line and get this off my chest.
thanks for listening (er..reading?)

you are just getting prepared for the real world. shit be happening left and right. life is like a boxing match, when it punches, you punch back harder, when it throw a jab, you throw a hook, when it throw a upper cup, you throw a combination. You just have to roll with the punches and fight. From what i have read since i been on ILLMUZIK is that you are a fighter, seems like you been fighting all your life. Dont lose that, cause the battles come and go. You just have to be there waiting with your two feet planted ready to fight, like you been doing. DAWG everybody has there problems. its just how you fight back. Me, i been through so much shit, i thought i was going to kill myself. But i know it is not that serious, so i had to stick that chin out and rumble. I hate to lose at anything and damn sho hate to lose in life. You gonna be just fine my nigga. I can see that DAWG in you. Keep your head up, mane. Peace. :shoot:

 

[Cold Truth]

haha man you turned out nothing like i thought yould equelizer... *sniff* im so proud*sniff* lol

yeah i hear that, thanks, im all riled up now.

you know what? fuck it.

im gonna buy me that motif es rack next month. i feel happier just thinking about it, lol

seriously though i didnt sleep till like 3 am but i feel better right now.

 

[eXampuL_oNe]

/\/\ There u go man! Do that shit! And as far as cat's not gettin back to you homeboy, give it some more time... Im sure something will roll through for you sooner or later.... Just HUSTLE HARD!! BEst of luck..

 

[Equelizer]

haha man you turned out nothing like i thought yould equelizer... *sniff* im so proud*sniff* lol

yeah i hear that, thanks, im all riled up now.

you know what? fuck it.

im gonna buy me that motif es rack next month. i feel happier just thinking about it, lol

seriously though i didnt sleep till like 3 am but i feel better right now.

lol...yeah man.....fuck that shit. Keep ya chin up and your eyes on the prize.

I was thinking about getting that rack too. A Nigga need to upgrade if i am going to keep up with you cats at ILLMUZIK. Hell you got me excited now. :shoot:

 

[KENWOP]

sup peeps im in the depressed club to yall bills is kicking my ass my job sucks i hardley have time to make music im lucky if i get 15 mins in a day to sit and do shit my sons having a hard time in school thats stressing me the fuck out wifey stay's on me for something and speaking of the devil there she goes texting now lol fffuuuuuuucccckkkk i think i am gonna go outside and randomly start snuffing people just to get out all this built up anger so watchout on the streets of ny .......peace
it aint safe.........

 

[Eurydice]

Dear all of those depressed,

I know that we get overwelmed by everyday obsticles, How ever with out struggle we can not achieve..The road to happinness has to become curvey at times. Do't let anything get in the way of your passion and goals..Let Music be what is..a way to soothe the beast..Live can be like an animal...it just needs to be controlled..Let your music control your destiny..when ever you get to the point of ultimate diappointment remember why we are all here on this forum..we need other mutherfucker who love this music shit the same way we do ...Keep ya head up. Dont let a little bit of discouragement stop you from achieving your goals..Please cause I'm waiting for some of ya to make it big..cause I'm tired of having too listen to garbage..I'm feening for the truth...Can I get High...

 

[Equelizer]

Dear all of those depressed,

I know that we get overwelmed by everyday obsticles, How ever with out struggle we can not achieve..The road to happinness has to become curvey at times. Do't let anything get in the way of your passion and goals..Let Music be what is..a way to soothe the beast..Live can be like an animal...it just needs to be controlled..Let your music control your destiny..when ever you get to the point of ultimate diappointment remember why we are all here on this forum..we need other mutherfucker who love this music shit the same way we do ...Keep ya head up. Dont let a little bit of discouragement stop you from achieving your goals..Please cause I'm waiting for some of ya to make it big..cause I'm tired of having too listen to garbage..I'm feening for the truth...Can I get High...

LOL....you and this TRUTH thing. COLDTRUTH what did you do to her. *singing* got eury feening *singing*. I am just bullshiting.

I feel you on the life tip though.

 

[Eurydice]

LOL....you and this TRUTH thing. COLDTRUTH what did you do to her. *singing* got eury feening *singing*. I am just bullshiting.

I feel you on the life tip though.

secretly I am flirting with all my hot illmuzik guys...I want u all..lol especially U Coldtruth...

I wish some of ya lived around here all my girls are desperately seeking some intelligent men...